Towpath Radio (April Fools!!) Fed Up With Goose Poop, Grand Rapids Tests Bold (and Loud) New Solution
Written by Towpath Radio on April 1, 2026
***APRIL FOOLS!!! 😂 ***
Grand Rapids, Ohio — A new proposal aimed at tackling the ongoing Canada goose problem along the Maumee River could soon bring relief to walkers and visitors frustrated with messy trail conditions.
Local planning officials say the proposed “Waterfowl Impact Management Program” would address increased complaints about goose droppings along the towpath and riverwalk, which have become a growing concern in recent years.
“You can dodge most of it, but the dog never does,” said Kelly Stainbrook. “It’s like she seeks it out. Bath night has become a weekly event.”
Among the more unique elements of the plan is a daily audio deterrent test. If approved, speakers mounted on town hall and the mill would blast the song “Surfin’ Bird,” known for its repeated “bird is the word” refrain, each day at noon to help disrupt goose congregation patterns.
“We’re planning for the audio to carry for several miles, from the campgrounds all the way down toward Waterville,” said project coordinator Clyde Beakman. “Personally, I love the song, always have. It’s catchy, it’s energetic, and I just assume everyone else feels the same way.”
Officials say the plan is designed to remain humane while improving trail conditions and overall visitor experience.
If approved, the program could begin later this year… or never. Either way, if you made it this far, happy April Fools’ Day.
Narure Boy On April 1, 2026 at 12:25 pm
In-A-Gadda-Da-Vida 🪿 💩